Warrior's Girl
by ClassyClassic16
Summary: War's been raging for too long. By the time Quinn gets home, she has a sick wife, and a daughter she's never met. A/U.
1. I Dreamed I Was Missing

**I came up with this at 1 am, I have the next few chapters written, so please give feedback. I don't have a ton of knowledge about the US army, so I apologize for any mistakes. Also, this isn't meant to be disrespectful at all, I have a lot of respect for the brave soldiers who do fight in wars. **

**All mistakes are mine, I don't own Faberry**

**Enjoy!**

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Quinn Fabray sat on the bus, feeling strange to have civilian clothing on again. For the past 18 months, all she had on was various khaki and helmets. It was also strange to have the late March chill sneak up on her. The Middle Eastern desert was hot as hell this time of year.

She ran her fingers through her blonde pixie cut and leaned her forehead against the window. The coming home outfit was by no means special; just a pair of jeans, converse and a hoodie. The weather was cooler than she thought it would be, but she was still used to the 100+ heat waves. All she could think about now was Rachel, and her kids. They must be so different now, would they even recognize her?

Jolting upright as the bus stopped, her dog tags clinked outside of her hoodie, and Quinn reached up, grabbing the duffel bag from the storage compartment. She tugged the headphones out of her ears, rushing off the bus. She couldn't be here anymore. She had spent 5 years of her life on government property, or in a foreign land. She wanted to be home.

"Excuse me young lady," Quinn turned tired eyes to the bus driver, a portly old man with a bristle white mustache. He looked old, but his eyes said otherwise.

"Yes sir," she felt herself revert to the military protocol when speaking to a person with seniority. 5 years didn't just disappear, unfortunately.

"I just wish to tell you that what you have clearly done for this country is very courageous work, very brave." The man stuck out a wrinkled hand with a gold band on the ring finger, and Quinn shook it. "Thank you young lady."

"Thank you sir," She said clearly, and stepped off the bus. Everything looked the same, but different. This was what suburban Lima looked like now. The deployment and the war had made her forget what it was like. The deployment was by her own doing; when the war started, all able bodies had to go.

Quinn slung the duffel bag over her shoulder, feeling her speed increase as she thought of Rachel. She rushed past the neighborhoods, and past the houses of her old friends, friends that had probably thought her to be a bitch for leaving. She couldn't think of that now.

She tucked the dog tags into her hoodie, hearing the faint clinking as she walked briskly down the streets. She had tried contacting Rachel when she got back, but all she got was an answering machine. Hopefully, the brunette hadn't moved.

It had been years since she had seen Rachel, and the brunette wasn't thrilled when she joined up either. When she had learned of the long deployment, Quinn couldn't calm her down. Rachel wouldn't let Quinn touch her, she was so upset.

Finally seeing the redbrick house at the end of the dead end street, Quinn hurried again. The familiar bushes were lining the base of the porch, some dead, others untrimmed. Toys were littered in the yard and driveway, and Quinn could see a few golf balls and tennis balls caught in the roof. It looked like a mess, and that was unusual, but it was home.

She didn't feel the pain in her leg until she heard the crash and looked down at the little blonde girl who had run into her. Quinn rubbed her leg, feeling the soreness, and picked up the kid's bike. She quickly stood up, brushing pebbles off her knees, and smiled at Quinn. "Sorry Ms. I didn't see you."

"It's ok," Quinn whispered, watching as the little girl climbed back on the bike, chasing after another person at end of the street. Quinn didn't remember passing her as she biked down here, meaning they must've taken the forest path behind the houses.

"C'mon Piper!" The kid at the end of the street called, and the little blonde one, Piper, rolled her eyes, peddling harder. She tried to balance on the training wheels, the pink helmet teetering on her head.

"I'm coming Alice, I'm not as fast as you are." Piper called, and Quinn watched as they both pulled around one of the houses, into the forest area behind the backyards. She tried to keep her composer; of course they wouldn't recognize her. She had been hoping for too much.

Quinn walked up the driveway, trying to string words into a coherent sentence for when she saw Rachel. The brunette couldn't stay mad forever, even if she could hold a grudge for a while.

There she was; Rachel sat in a large camping chair, an iced tea in the cup holder. She was flipping through a magazine, and checking her watch. She looked nervous, jittery, like she had something to be scared of.

"Rachel…" Quinn managed to get out a shaky word, and was taken aback when Rachel looked up. The diva looked thin and gaunt, too pale to be healthy; she had on big sunglasses that hollowed out her cheekbones, and a large-brimmed, white sunhat.

"Oh my god." Rachel murmured, standing up to greet Quinn. The blonde watched as Rachel stood her white t-shirt hanging on her, and a tight belt on her pants. Both revealed the brunette's bony limbs. "I thought you were never going to come back." She put her hand on her hips, and Quinn could see the daggers that were coming through the sunglasses with Rachel's stare.

"I know, it was too long. I'm sorry." Quinn dropped the duffel bag, and hugged Rachel tightly, taking the diva by surprise. She jumped at the squeak of pain that came from the brunette, and let go of her quickly. "I'm sorry, are you ok?"

Rachel bit her low lip, trying not to cry. Quinn saw that she had struck a nerve, and she took Rachel's hand tightly. She was trying to keep calm, not working very well though, seeing as she could feel warm tears in her eyes.

"I'm fine, of course I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be perfectly fine? I… I mean, my wife signs up for the army with a 2 year old at home and a baby on the way, and then she disappears for 5 goddamn years. I'm sick as a dog, and I have two kids to take care of. Of course I'm fine." Rachel pounded her weak fists against Quinn's chest as the blonde tried to hold her again. She felt the metal dog tags, and blinked as the tears came into her eyes.

"Mama, do you know her?" The two women turned to look at the tiny blonde in the driveway. She had fixed the helmet.

"Why, do you?" Rachel smiled as the little girl blushed.

"She's the lady I hit with my bike. Sorry again," Piper let out a rushed apology and explanation, still balancing on the bike. Her sparkly blue skirt was getting tangled around her legs.

"Piper, sweetheart, I'll explain everything to you when we go inside. Just bike around with your sister for now. We don't have to go in for another hour." Rachel finished as Alice came into view, her cheeks red from the wind biting them.

"C'mon sis, it must be something important," Alice kicked off again, leaving Piper to trail after her.

"Last time it was something important, it sucked." Piper said, her voice sad.

Rachel had the same stern look on her face when Quinn looked back at her, complete with the thin tear streaks on her cheeks. "And then, when I ask when you're coming home, you say, in a few months. That's fine; I can deal with a few months." Rachel looked down, the edge of the hats brim brushing against Quinn.

"A year later," Rachel sucks in her breath, unsure of how to say this. "I get diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer, and where the hell are you? In the middle of a war, in another country. And I found this out from the mailman, and all the envelopes with return to sender."

A hand rushes to Quinn's mouth as the words leave Rachel's. The brunette took off the glasses to reveal the dark crescent moons under her eyes. "Oh god… Rachel, I didn't know… I didn't…" Quinn lost the ability to create a sentence, and she felt like she was going to faint.

"Of course not, you didn't call; you didn't Skype, not even an email." Rachel went from angry, to defeated. Anyone could hear that she was trying hard not to cry, and even that wasn't really working. Quinn couldn't offer a response without questioning. The soldiers were kept in isolation because there were so many rogues. She didn't have a telephone or a laptop with her in months.

The blonde stood stunned, silent, and afraid to speak in case the wrong thing came out. She looked back at the two girls biking up and down the street, trying to leave skid marks in the road.

"I have to change arrangements then." Rachel whispered, and Quinn turned back to look at her. "For the girls, I thought they would live with my dads when I passed. I thought you had left me. Now they can live with their mother." She whispered, allowing herself to go weak as Quinn hugged her again.

"Its spread hasn't it?" Quinn whispered, sighing as she felt Rachel's nod. Of course it spread; it couldn't just be over with. She titled her head a little to see Alice riding around without hands.

"Alice was upset." Rachel whispered, knowing fully that Quinn had heard her. "She was upset because she didn't know where Mommy had gone. She wouldn't stop crying. She doesn't like to talk about it still."

"What about Piper?" Quinn murmured, sighing. She knew the repercussions that deployment would have, and thanks to the army psychiatrist, she knew what was wrong with her.

"She doesn't know you exist." Rachel pulled away, getting tired from standing for so long. Her legs ached, and she sat in the chair again. She could've just leaned against Quinn for supported, but she couldn't bring herself to do that. Depending on the blonde only resulted in heartache.

Quinn followed her into the garage, pulling the duffel bag with her. They looked onto the street, watching Piper try to do some sort of trick on her training wheels. She was holding her skirt away from the wheels with one hand, and trying not to fall with the other.

"Do you know what happens when you have cancer for 2 years straight?" Rachel blinked back again as Quinn sits cross-legged on the concrete floor. She rested her leg on Rachel's leg, feeling a little relaxed as the diva brushed fingers over the blonde pixie cut. "It means you die, but you don't know when."


	2. I've Taken My Beating

**Wrote another few chapters, and I'll be updating this weekly. Thanks for the reviews, glad to hear people like this story :) **  
**Less Rachel/Quinn interaction then the first chapter, but the next one is solely them as a couple**

**Read and Review, feedback is appreciated. All mistakes are mine, grammar and spelling.**

**Enjoy!**

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Quinn watched as Rachel dragged the camping chair into the driveway, trying to hide her physical pain. Quinn had tried to help her, but Rachel had declined, saying she could handle it, like everything else.

"I was supposed to go to Broadway," Rachel whispered as she sat down, the chair making a squeaking sound as she sits. "After university, we were supposed to stay in New York."

"I know," Quinn whispered, sitting on the driveway. She watched as Piper tumbled off her bike for what seemed like the 40th time, but the girl quickly got back on. The kid didn't want anyone to see her falter.

"I didn't stay for as long as I had hoped because you suggested we come back, and then you leave me here." Rachel sighed, examining the bruise on her hands and wrists. Everything gives her bruises, it seemed.

"I know," Quinn sighed, hating the sad tone of Rachel's voice. She could remember the many nights that she had tried to convince Rachel to come back to Lima. So many times she had stood her ground, but the brunette had reluctantly agreed when Quinn had cornered her after a Broadway show. She didn't want to recount the things she had done to Rachel that night, not yet. They could stay repressed in her head for now.

The two sat in silence, observing the kids disappear behind houses, and speeding up and down the street. Quinn didn't know how to break the tension, so she stood and brushed the gravelly pebbles off her pants. "Can we go inside and talk about this?"

"You really want to do that?" Rachel stood up, feeling a little dizzy, but she managed to get upright. "You don't want me to drag in the duffel bag, and then when I come to get you, you'll be gone?" Rachel stepped forward, feeling woozy and she lost her balance momentarily.

"I got you," Quinn took Rachel's hands and held her upright. The smaller woman pulled them away as soon as she's steady.

"No you don't" Rachel walked to the end of the driveway, and called to the girls. Quinn saw Alice step off her bike, making sure the black tutu wasn't caught in the wheels. Her black boots stomped on the pavement with solidarity, like she was prepared for anything. Piper jumped off at the last minute, landing on the driveway harshly. She stood quickly, picking pebbles off her knees.

"Is it time already?" The little blonde asked; her voice small. She looked up at Rachel, and hugged the diva's legs tightly.

"Not yet, don't worry. I have to talk to you two though." Rachel ran a hand through the tangled blonde locks, and she took the handlebar of Piper's bike. "Girls, say hello to our guest."

Alice and Piper looked up at Quinn, and the tall blonde felt a little intimidated by their gaze. Alice smiled softly, extending a hand to Quinn. "I'm Alice,"

Quinn shook it, feeling the tight grip from the girl. She had a softness about her, something that she took directly from Rachel.

"I'm Piper," The small blonde whispers. She seemed so tiny; happy, yet sad. Quinn could see a few crystal blue beads weaved in strands of hair. She looked afraid, but strong; it seemed as though both came effortlessly.

Quinn nodded, afraid to speak for fear that she'd break down. She watched as Rachel instructed the girls to go inside, wash their hands, and wait in the family room. The two ran off, leaving the bikes in the driveway with the other collections of toys on the lawn. Quinn didn't ask Rachel if she needed help; she took both bikes, rolling them into the garage.

"You didn't have to do that. The front yard is always a mess during the day, the driveway is no exception." Rachel held open the door to the mud room, and waited for Quinn to come in. She kicked off the sandals, leaving them discarded on the floor beside the girls' rain boots.

Quinn untied her converse, leaving them in a neat order beside the messy array of shoes on the floor. She dropped the duffel bag in the front hall, and turned, waiting for Rachel to follow. She watched as the brunette removed the glasses, keeping revealed the pale, gaunt face. Quinn felt a pit form in her stomach as she watched Rachel remove the large hat, sliding the headscarf off before adjusting it properly. Her scalp was hairless from the cancer treatment.

"You know the layout here, you can go in." Rachel's shoulders sagged as she tugged on a thin black sweater. The lower level of the house was always colder than the top.

"I'm waiting for you," Quinn whispered, hugging herself tightly. She leaned against the door to the laundry room, watching as Rachel sighed, and stepped out of the room.

"Why? I'm fine by myself; I can take care of myself." Rachel shut the door, looking at Quinn. The blonde was having trouble looking Rachel in the eye. She was proud of the service she had done, and the rescues she had performed while on duty, but she was ashamed about why she had signed up. She felt so guilty because she hadn't tried harder to contact her family.

"Rachel, please… let me explain." Quinn reached a hand to Rachel, but the brunette pulled away. "I've solved my problems, I've gotten help.

"Look," Rachel shoved her hands in her pockets, looking dead straight at Quinn. The blonde put her head down slightly, and Rachel shook hers. "You've been gone for 5 years, and I've gotten through that. I've survived a cancer diagnosis… I've survived having my heart stop multiple times… I'm personally very surprised that I didn't break down when I had to tell the girls about it. "

Rachel sucked in her breath. She knew she was rambling, and she was trying to make Quinn feel guilty. She was just frustrated, and this method, although unkind, was working as a release for her. At least, for the moment. "I just thought, for the longest time, you weren't coming back, and I would die alone. So I need time to adjust right now, and you need to let me get out my frustration before I can trust you again."

"I understand." Quinn stepped aside as Rachel brushed past her, heading down the hall to the family room. She did understand what the pent up frustration was like. One of the troops in her platoon was a psychologist before he was drafted, and he had helped Quinn understand everything. She knew that she had been wrong so many times, but she had changed.

She followed Rachel to the carpeted room, and looked around, leaning on the doorframe with her hands in her pockets. There was a large empty spot on the wall where their wedding pictures used to be, and various frames hung around the room with pictures of Alice and Piper. It was like all traces of her had vanished.

The kids were sitting on the couch at opposite ends, both hugging an armrest. Alice was playing with the ends of the frayed tutu, and Quinn noticed the bright rainbow coloured knee socks; the only colour on the girl. Piper just looked intently from Quinn to Rachel, waiting for one of them to speak.

"Girls, I think it's time I told you something." Rachel sucked in her breath at the look on Piper's face. "No baby, I'm not dying. I'm still as fine as I could ever get."

"So what is it?" Alice dangled her legs over the edge of the cushion, and stretched, clearly tense with worry.

"Alice… I'm not sure how to say this exactly… forgive my wording, remember how I had told you that you had another Mom." Rachel rubbed her temple as Alice nodded.

"Yes, and you told me she left because she didn't care about us anymore." Alice murmured, looking at Quinn wide-eyed.

"That's right; I did say that, didn't I?" Rachel whispers, remembering a few other selective words she had used to describe Quinn to the child.

"You also said a few other things…" Alice trailed off, still looking at Quinn with a stone-set gaze. She tried to show no emotion.

"Well, this is Quinn. This is your mother. She enlisted into the army when you were two; it was before Piper was born." Rachel watched as Alice fought to keep everything in. She always dealt with news like this, like ripping off a band-aid. She watched as the little girl's face twisted in shock, and hurt, finally settling on anger.

"May I be excused?" Alice whispered, and Rachel nodded. The little girl stood up and brushed coldly by Quinn. They both hear her run up the stairs and a door slammed.

"Will you excuse me; I have to go talk to her alone." Rachel stood, and brushed past Quinn with about as much warmth as Alice. The blonde looked at the little girl still sitting on the couch, wide-eye, and her mouth forming a small 'o'.

"It makes sense, I guess. I don't look like Alice, or Mama, but I just assumed I was adopted." Piper whispered, trying to let everything settle in.

Quinn felt tears form in her eyes, and blinked them away. She wiped them off her cheeks quickly as Piper looked into space thinking about everything. "Nope," She whispered. "You're my daughter."

Piper nodded, standing and walking over to Quinn. She leaned back and looked up at the tall blonde, and Quinn looked down at her. Piper looked smaller than she should be. She stuck out her hand, like she was sealing a business deal. "Well, we should start on a good note, because I assume we'll be seeing a lot of each other. I'm Piper Allison Fabray-Berry, and I'm 4."

Quinn smiled warmly and shook Piper's hand, getting a small smile from the little tyke. "Well, I'm Quinn Fabray, 36 years old."

Piper slapped her forehead with her palm. "That's where the Fabray comes from. It makes so much sense now. Mama always said it was her name, and that's why we had two." Piper pulled Quinn into the room and made her sit on the couch. "Well, what do you want me to call you?"

"What do you mean?" Quinn sunk into the couch cushions, and relaxed a little. One person in this house didn't hate her, so she was making some progress.

"Do you prefer something formal, like Mother, or can I just call you Mommy. I already have a Mama, and it might be confusing calling both of you Mama," Piper sat crossed legged beside Quinn, resting her head on her hands, looking at the older blonde with hazel eyes.

"Never, ever, call me mother." Quinn shook her head remembering her own mother, and she didn't want to be associated with that word. She didn't want to be as cold as her own parents. "Just, call me whatever you want."

"Ok, your majesty," Piper did a curtseying motion with her hands, and grinned.

"Something else," Quinn smiled, "Not that formal." At least Piper had a sense of humor.

"Ok, ok," Piper squealed as Quinn stood up, and picked her up by the waist. Quinn spun around a few times, still holding onto Piper tightly as the girl giggled. The little blondie wasn't used to having a mom who can play with her, but she understood why. Mama was really sick, and she couldn't play often without getting bruised. "I'll call you Mommy,"

"that's good, so how have you been?" Quinn stopped, trying to keep her balance as Piper clung to her neck. She put the girl on her hip, and looked at her, a big smile on Piper's face.

"I've been good." Piper brushed back the beaded strands of hair, and grinned. "I got this cool scar from falling off my bike at the park a few months ago. I rode off the bridge onto some rocks in the stream." Piper avoided smacking Quinn in the face as she raised her elbow, and showed off a faint red line running down her forearm. "I needed 16 stitches."

"Oh really, and falling off a bridge was fun?" Quinn raised an eyebrow at the girl, and tapped Piper's nose gently.

"Well, stitches weren't fun, and neither was the emergency room. Mama was upset, but Alice was at school so she didn't know. Now everyone in my kindergarten class calls me brave. Everyone calls me Leo, like a lion. Lions are brave too." Piper smiled innocently at Quinn as she rattled off the past events.

"Stitches are never fun." Quinn agreed with Piper, and the little one looked at her confused.

"You've had them?" Piper looked at Quinn's face, but didn't see any red lines.

"You can't see them, but I had to get them all up my side because of a piece of metal that hit me." Quinn tried to keep out the detail of the bomb hit, and she left out the part about the lung and kidney removal.

"Ouch, that sounds like it hurt badly." Piper shook her head at the thought. "Did anyone kiss it better? Mama kissed my cut whenever it hurt badly, and it made me feel better." Piper looked worried as she saw Quinn's eyes become wet. "Are you ok? I'm sorry, did I say something bad?"

"It's not you Piper, don't worry." Quinn blinked away tears. That ordeal had been the most grueling of the deployment, and she had to go back into the field a few days after the stitches. The thought of Rachel kissing her wounds better brought tears to her eyes; she should be the one trying to heal the brunette with affection, not the other way around. "What are these beads for?"

Piper felt around the messy tangle of hair, and pulled a strand with 4 crystal beads in front of her face. "They looked pretty. Mama suggested I put them in when she started losing her hair. She was really upset then. Alice used to put in the fake extensions, but then she stopped." The little blonde spun the beads around, revealing red letters carved in then. "I like them though, they're pretty. Mama promised me that when her hair grows back, we can put in beads."

Quinn tried processing that as quickly as she could. How did these kids feel when they found out about Rachel's chemotherapy? Did they break down, did they understand the severity of the situation? She cleared her thoughts quickly, and looked at the word 'love' spelled in the beads. "They looked very pretty on you."

"Thanks." Piper beamed, and hugged Quinn tightly. She liked how it felt; Mama really couldn't hold her for this long because she would get weak. Piper pulled away when she realized that Quinn might not like it. "Mama said we could get ice cream tonight. Do you want to come?"

Quinn bit her lip. She really didn't know how well that would end up, but she couldn't decline Piper. "Of course."


	3. You Were So Scared

**Alright, sorry for the late update, but I've had so much homework, and I still haven't done most of it. I'll try and have another update by next Sunday. I've been debating about this one for a while, re-reading and such, and this is the end product, hope it's good enough.**

**Anyway, thanks to those who reviewed, much appreciated. They keep me writing, not gonna lie. Encouragement is always helpful.**

**Enjoy!**

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Quinn lay on the bed on top of the covers. She waited for Rachel to finish up in the bathroom, and was relaxing, listening to some music coming from the brunette's iPod. The soundtrack from Wicked was bringing back the memories of New York but her mind kept wandering back to the drive for ice cream

The ride to the Dairy Queen had been painfully awkward, and Quinn felt herself intimidating Alice in the backseat. The little girl really had no idea how to react to her, and whenever Quinn looked in the mirror, Alice was fidgeting. The girl had brought a book, and she tried to read it, but Quinn could see her staring blankly at the page.

Piper had talked to Rachel about an upcoming concert her class was doing, and Quinn sat back and listened. A large part of her felt like this was Rachel's family, and she was an uninvited guest. She knew she had to become re-acquainted with her children again, but she was a little scared to. The reasons why she had enlisted in the first place danced around in her head, and she had felt the black hole form in her stomach.

When they had gotten home, Quinn had just sat on the couch and Alice uncomfortably beside her. Not close at all; Alice had been hugging the armrest, and Quinn was at the opposite end. Piper was curled up beside her though, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Rachel sat on the large lounge chair, curled against the arm rest. Quinn could see a string-like object underneath her shirt that Rachel fingered slightly.

"Alright," Rachel snapped her out of her daydream, standing in the doorway. She was talking to Quinn voluntarily now, which was an improvement from the afternoon. "I can't really perform… sexually. With the chemotherapy, and my immune system being shot, I can't do it because of the high infection rate. Not to mention you might be contaminated with the chemicals in the treatment."

Quinn nodded quickly, sitting up in her baggy army shirt and a pair of boxers. They were the only pajamas she had in the duffel bag, and she hadn't asked Rachel what had happened to her clothes. She assumed they were all at Goodwill or something. "I'm not pressuring you at all."

"I know, but I figured … It just seems that whenever a partner comes home after a long period of time, the pair consummates. I can't do that currently." Rachel shut the bathroom light, and sat at the edge of the bed, her back to Quinn. With a sigh, she pulled off her headscarf, and tossed it onto the bedside table.

"Come here Rach, please?" Quinn leaned over, and hooked her finger around the strap of Rachel's tank top. Rachel turned around, and made her way over to Quinn, curling up to the blonde with one arm around her waist. "I don't want you to think that I only ever used you for sex. Especially now, ok?" Quinn bit her lip, but pressed on, remembering the counseling she had. "I just want to be here with you Rachel.

Rachel nodded, her cheekbone brushing against the rough top. She knew exactly what Quinn was talking about. "I know, I just feel…"

"You don't need to feel the need to do anything with me." Quinn kissed her wife softly, trying to calm herself down as well. This wasn't going to end well. "Rach, when you said that it had spread… where is it?"

"It was just around my pelvis for months, but I recently had a kidney taken out because of the tumor growing inside it." Rachel curled up against the heat source, wanting to cry. "I can't have children after this either… if I survive. You should know I had to have my ovaries out about a year ago." She pulled the covers up closer, shivering. "And my doctors want to schedule me for a complete hysterectomy. It's all over my uterus, and the chemo treatment isn't working anymore."

Quinn sucked in her breath, completely hating herself for what she had said to Rachel before she left. She could see Alice lying on Rachel's chest, the brunette exhausted, while she was texting her mistress, yelling at Rachel to do something. She rubbed hard on her eyes as she remembered how she, very harshly, spoke to Rachel about children, and how she refused to carry any herself. "I don't care. If you want more kids after this, I'll carry them. Just like we said, I'll carry some of these kids."

"Really?" Rachel sounded exhausted, and Quinn nodded.

"I promise," Quinn pulled Rachel on top of her, "We made vows, and I should have never broken them in the first place…"

Rachel sighed as she squeezing Quinn's hand gently and relaxed. A few tears streamed down her cheeks and let wet spots on Quinn's white top. "I thought you had forgotten me,"

"I never could Rach." She let go of Rachel's hand to put both arms around the smaller woman. "You don't know how bad it was over there. We had absolute zero communication with others. Only the highest ranking officers had communications, because there were so many rogues." Quinn remembered standing beside one when the bomb went off, and how she had gotten shoved in front of the shrapnel.

She felt Rachel hug her waist tightly, and that broke her out of the memory. "There was this one guy in the same squadron as me. He died in action, and his wife found out after everyone got off the plane and he wasn't there. She had 3 kids with her." Quinn wiped away tears, seeing the looks on those small faces, how excitement turned to confusion and sadness. "I'd feel so guilty if I didn't make it back."

"Well, you'd be dead; first of all, you wouldn't feel anything. Second, Piper never knew about you, and Alice and I were sure you had left. We would be indifferent." Rachel closed her eyes and yawned, but she couldn't get comfortable with the awful shirt.

"Gee thanks, I feel loved." Quinn closed her eyes too, listening to the playlist switch to some soft music.

"I have your old pajamas still, you can change. I can't get comfortable with these." Rachel rolled over, and looked up at the ceiling as Quinn sat up.

"Alright Princess, whatever you want." Quinn missed the feeling of Rachel around her waist, but she didn't say anything. She felt guilty as soon as the words came out of her mouth. In New York, Quinn always had to have the final say in whatever they did. Rachel never got what she wanted, and especially now, she was sick and raising children. She deserved everything Quinn could give her, even if it's just a change of clothes. "I'm sorry, that was unnecessary."

"It's alright." Rachel whispered, tensing up again at the words, thinking about how Quinn only ever said that when the blonde wanted her to agree. Rachel had rarely gotten her say with Quinn, in anything…

Quinn silently walked over to the armoire, and opened the doors. She grabbed the familiar soft white tank top, and a pair of fuzzy pants from Jacob. She slid off the army shirt, and boxers, standing nude for Rachel to see. She looked towards the bed, hoping to see at least a glimpse of Rachel's face, but the brunette was burying it in a pillow.

Quinn pulled on the tank top, and sighed. She couldn't be thinking about sex now, not with all the shit she had pulled before, and yes, 3 years without anyone else touching her had been quite excruciating, she wasn't going to do what she had done before. She was never going to do that again.

Rachel let out a small yawn, and Quinn shook her head, clearing all thoughts. Rachel looked so frail on the king sized bed. She hated herself, and she knew she really shouldn't be here, not now anyway. She should be sleeping on the couch, instead of just waltzing up to this room and lying on the bed. "Rach, are you sure you want me here? I could go on the couch…"

"I don't care." Quinn knew that was what Rachel would say. Rachel had learned to say nothing over the years. Quinn nodded, pulling up the pants and walking to her wife.

She jumped onto the bed, and watched as Rachel bounced on the mattress, turning around with bewilderment on her face. "I love you Rachel," She whispered, hugging the thin body tightly. She felt Rachel's tears run on her shoulder and top, and she kissed the top of her bare scalp.

"I missed you so much." Rachel broke down, feeling Quinn's protective embrace surround her. Before Quinn had left, it was a different atmosphere. She had been so stressed with Alice, and Quinn was so distant, and angry… Rachel shook her head, feeling Quinn pull her closer.

"I know, I missed you too." Quinn knew that one night wouldn't solve anything, and they would eventually have to talk about everything. The old psychologist had told her that. If she wanted to avoid her mistakes, she had to come clean. However, now wasn't the time. Right now, Rachel had to adjust to everything, and talking about Quinn's old affairs would probably break her.

"I just… I don't… why? Why did you leave?" Rachel managed to get out, hyperventilating.

"I'll explain everything to you tomorrow, but it has to be told slowly." Quinn ran her fingers over Rachel's back, rubbing small circles onto the bone. She could feel Rachel's protruding spine and shoulder blades, and she had a deep wanting to take all the pain away.

"Why? Isn't it better if you told me all at once?" Rachel felt soothed as Quinn rubbed her back. She had been so tense for what seemed like forever and Quinn's touch was relaxing.

"Because, if I just said everything, you'd probably have a heart attack. And when you come back to life, you'd kill me." Quinn smiled as Rachel laughed a little, calming down. "You think I'm joking. I'm serious; you would take one of the kitchen knives and kill me."

"I don't think I could ever do that." Rachel felt the tears burn hot on her cheeks, and she felt a pounding in her head. "I can't live without you."

"You somehow survived 5 years…" Quinn felt Rachel go tense again, and added a bit more pressure as she rubbed the circles across the thin back.

"I had this hope that you would show up again. I couldn't bring myself to believe that you would just leave me alone and sick, with two children." Rachel whispered, her tears all dried up. She leaned into Quinn, and yawned, closing her eyes and waiting for sleep.

"Rach, believe me when I say you were the only reason I survived over there. The thought of coming home to you was what made me fight to live." Quinn hugged her tightly, their bodies fitting perfectly together. She felt Rachel's hot breath on her chest as the small woman sighed.

"I'm tired Quinn, let's just talk tomorrow." Rachel felt Quinn kiss her again, still rubbing her back, and she smiled softly. "I love you,"

"I love you too," Quinn whispered, reaching over to shut the lamp. She missed Rachel in her arms, and put her arm around Rachel again, inhaling the familiar scent. "Goodnight beautiful."

She felt Rachel's breath hitch again at the old nickname, and she smiled, keeping the rhythm of the rubbing until she was sure Rachel was asleep.


	4. I'm Strong on the Surface

**Well, here's number four. I don't know if I properly channeled emotions, but it's build up. Something big is going to happen. Anyway, next Sunday, check for another update. Unless I have a ton of homework... but I'll still try. Apologies for any mistakes I make in this chapter**

**Have a great week everybody**

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"Good morning Pip," Alice smiled as Piper walked into the kitchen the next morning, the tiny blonde holding a sleepy Quinn's hand. The woman was rubbing her eyes, trying to become alert before she ran into something. "Good morning Quinn." Alice whispered sullenly.

"Good morning Alice," Quinn said, yawning. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife. Quinn pulled out a chair opposite Alice and her bowl of cereal, and she sat in silence.

"Morning sis," Piper smiled happily. She was happy, because as far as she was concerned, she had gained a new Mommy. She had learned not to question the good things in life, and this was a good thing. She did know, however, that she didn't want to get into a fight with Alice this morning. So she couldn't call Quinn 'Mommy' now. "Quinn, could you pour me some cereal?"

"I'll get it," Alice grabbed her empty bowl and standing quickly before Quinn could respond. She climbed like a monkey onto the kitchen counter and reached for the cabinets.

"Be careful Alice," Quinn kicked into mother mode, remembering how a 2 year old Alice loved to climb onto things.

"I'm fine; I've been doing this forever." Alice felt Quinn stand behind her, waiting to catch her if she fell. "You should know that." Alice muttered under her breath. "Besides, Mama's always sleeping late, so I have to be in charge." She said loudly, like she was the boss. Quinn shouldn't challenge the boss.

"Alice, you can relax now. Quinn can help you a little." Piper smiled as Alice jumped down, brushing off Quinn and sliding the bowl down the table to the little blonde.

"Piper, I said I'm fine. We're both fine. We just need Mama to get better, and we'll all be perfectly fine." Alice tipped the Cheerios into the plastic bowl, careful not to spill any. She rushed to the fridge and grabbed a juice box, sliding down to Piper. She rinsed out her plastic bowl, dried it, and left it in the strainer to dry. "I'm going to get washed up. When you're ready, we can go biking."

With that, Alice left the kitchen, leaving Piper eating her cereal happily, and Quinn a little stunned. The little girl moved as fast as Rachel did when she wanted things done.

"She's mad at you." Piper said, taking a bite of her cereal and a swig from the juice box. Quinn turned to her, and sat back down. Piper was in the seat next to her, sitting on a phone book. "When we were younger, she would sit by the front window waiting. She would tell me she had another Mommy, but I never believed her. I called her crazy, but then she would cry because she would wait forever and you never showed up.

"I'm sorry," Quinn whispered. She could picture Alice sitting on the ottoman in front of the bay window, just waiting. She didn't want to think about how much she had hurt her girls now.

"It's not your fault. Stupid government makes people go to war. Soldiers are brave and they keep us safe, but why do they have to be gone for so long?" Piper looked at Quinn giving her an odd look.

"What do you mean?" Quinn wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"Well, you were gone for 5 years. I know, 'cause I'm 4 and I didn't know you before. The people in government should have people go for 6 months only, and then rotate." Piper took another bite of cereal, trying to figure everything out. The war had only started about a year ago.

"It would cost too much money for constant rotations," Quinn got up, and dug the coffee pot out from under the counter. It looked pristine still; the only person who had drunk the java in the morning was her. Rachel wasn't fond of it.

She fiddled with the knobs and searched the fridge for some coffee grinds. Of course there wouldn't be any; Rachel probably hadn't become a caffeine junkie. She reached for the milk and poured that into the mug. Uncovering chocolate syrup, Quinn squeezed half the bottle into the mug and stirred, needing the sugar to wake her up.

"How come you were gone so long?" Piper wiped her mouth on her arm after another sip of the juice. "The war only started about 1 year ago."

"It started 18 months ago, I was over there. You remember those sorts of things." Quinn sat beside Piper, sipping the cold chocolate. "I was on home base prior to that, for about six months

Piper counted on her fingers, adding the months. "That's still only 2 years."

"2 tours before that, one for a year and a half, a few months back in home base, and then they were short a few hundred because of all the bombings happening in the bases overseas. My squad was rushed out again. This was before the war started." Quinn took another swallow of the cold, viscous chocolate, "It was… you don't want to know how horrible it was."

"Oh…" Piper looked down at the empty cereal bowl and twirled the spoon around in her fingers. "I would be mad too, but I'm not. Mama says it's impossible for me to be mad, like punching and kicking mad. She says I'm too relaxed. Why did you go?"

Quinn sat in silence, hoping if she ignored the question long enough, it would go away. Piper would just leave, and she would be left alone for a while… No, that was reverting back to the destructive behavior, just like before. But she wasn't going to tell a 4 year old about such harmful psychological issues.

"Is it because you didn't love us?" Piper said, she sound like she was about to cry.

"No, I loved you all very much." Quinn took Piper's tiny hand, and squeezed it softly. That was how she had calmed Alice down when she was younger. "I'm sorry Piper, believe me."

Piper shrugged, and stood, pulling her hand away from Quinn's and putting her bowl in the sink. "So you just didn't want to know me then?"

"Piper that's not true and you know it." Quinn stood, stepping towards the little girl, but the tiny blond gave her a look so stern and severe she stopped dead in her tracks.

"It is true. Alice said she had two moms but I didn't believe her. You left before I was born, and you didn't know me until yesterday. You didn't want to know me, so you left. You didn't care because you would've fought harder to contact us." Piper said defiantly, her face emotionless.

"I'm 4 Quinn, I'm not stupid. Just because I don't get mad doesn't mean I don't get upset. You didn't want me. You never did." Piper starts clapping, very slowly. "Bravo, bravo, you deserve a Tony; you're a great actress. Last night you tricked me. Last night I thought you wanted to know me." With that, Piper turned on her heels and stalked out of the room. It scared her a little, how she went from relaxed and such to so… mean.

Quinn stood there, taken aback by how Piper's personality did a 180. She would never have pegged the girl she met last night, or this morning for that matter, to say that. The girl didn't get angry either, just eerily calm. She was clearly passing on the genes. Quinn made her way over to the chair, and ran her fingers through her hair.

What was she going to do now? She heard the girls run down the stairs, and the alarm buzzed as they ran outside. She wanted to go check on them, but she couldn't move. It was like she was paralyzed. Shock? Sadness? Fear? She didn't know.

She heard footsteps enter the kitchen again, and looked up to see Rachel in the doorway, dressed in a long robe and another headscarf. This one was light pink and flowed nicely.

"Good morning" Rachel kept her eyes down as she leaned on the doorframe. After last night's moment of weakness, she wasn't sure how she should act towards Quinn.

"Morning," Quinn mumbled, and felt Rachel's hand on her shoulder. She wanted to brush it off, but she shouldn't burn the bridges even more.

"Are you ok?" Rachel knew she should still be giving the cold shoulder to Quinn. If not for her own mental state, then for the girls. She couldn't show the girls that you could just forgive without repercussions. However, she didn't want Quinn to be silent in the house; it would make the atmosphere worse.

"I'm fine," Quinn stood, brushing off Rachel's hand nervously and digging around in the pantry for breakfast. "Where's all the vegan food?"

"The doctors said I needed more nutrients, this disease is taking its toll on me quite severely." Rachel sat down as Quinn reemerged from the pantry with boxes of cereal and a bag of toast. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, that bed is much better than the army cots I've been sleeping on." Quinn pulled out the toaster as well, putting in four pieces of bread and pouring the cereal into ceramic bowls. "What about you?"

"It was as pleasant as it could be." Rachel yawned, looking up at the clock, pulling Piper's unfinished juice box towards her. "The girls are already outside, correct?"

"Yeah, they really wanted to get out of the house." Quinn murmured, sure that Rachel would understand what that meant. She grabbed the toast and balanced the plates and bowls on her arms while she reached in the fridge for some jam.

"What did Alice say to you?" Rachel stood, taking half of Quinn's load into her hands. She laid it out on the table, and sat fidgeting. She pulled the long robe closer around herself, shivering. Today was going to be cold one, she could feel it.

"It wasn't Alice actually," Quinn sat beside Rachel, taking a bite of the dry toast and crunchy cereal. Her mouth was dry, and she was thirsty because of the chocolate syrup in her milk.

"Oh… I see… Piper can do that sometimes. Her personality can sometimes switch suddenly and severely." Rachel sighed, spreading the jam onto the toast. "I've taken her to doctors, but ever since I got sick, with the hospital appointments and the strict schedules, I haven't had time. Alice is in the middle of school, and Piper is starting SK next year. I have to take her to a specialist before then."

"Relax," Quinn whispered, trying to make sense of everything. That behavior… that flip in personality… it was normal? "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it?"

Rachel looked at her, ignoring the pleading look in Quinn's eyes and trying to find that underlying intention. They had been happily married for about a year before Quinn started falling into old patterns… at the time, new ones. The Quinn she had grown to know never did anything selflessly. "You're lying."

"I'm not Rachel, I swear," Quinn cracked her knuckles, something she did when agitated, and Rachel sipped the juice, unfazed.

"Stop swearing, it's not healthy." Rachel murmured, feeling Quinn's anger grow. She turned to the blonde, keeping a calm composure. "I don't trust you Quinn, alright? I don't know why I hadn't gotten a divorce when you left me, but something was holding me back. There was a time where I did love you, but I don't now where that went. I don't care what you say; I'm not going to trust you. Get used to it."

Silence overtook the kitchen.


	5. Sometimes Solutions Aren't So Simple

**How late is this chapter? I've lost count now. So much work... so much... But it's here, the new installment is finally done, and the next is on it's way to the printing press :)**

** Thanks to all the people who looked at the story, and liked it. Showing support is much appreciated. These stories are my babies. **

**Have a fabulous week everyone!**

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Quinn sat on the lawn, sipping the lukewarm coffee and watching Piper and Alice draw chalk pictures on the driveway. Rachel sat beside her, in the usual lawn chair. Tensions were high. Quinn knew Rachel was trying to get closer to her since last week, but it wasn't really working for either of them. She had no idea what to say to her sick wife.

It was hard to believe she'd been here almost a week. March break had passed by too quickly, and she knew she would hate the silence of the house next week when the girls went back. After so much time apart, Quinn desperately wanted to know everything about the girls.

Rachel coughed, breaking the silence and Quinn jumped about three feet. She looked at the small huddled figure in the chair.

"Can you and Alice go shopping? I need cold cuts for their lunches tomorrow." Rachel coughed again, harshly. It was cooler this morning then it had been the past few days, and Rachel was curled on the chair in a sweater and a blanket.

"Yeah, sure," Quinn stood up, nodding. She felt like she was Rachel's errand girl, doing everything. She knew she had to help out as much as possible now, but that old part of her was saying that Rachel was just being lazy. Quinn thumped her head as she thought that, angry with herself, and Rachel raised an eyebrow

"What was that?" She stood as well, wrapping the blanket tightly around her and walking to the girls. She could feel Quinn's presence behind her, but she didn't know how to react to it. She shook her head as Quinn stayed silent; she really should've known better than to expect a response.

The girls looked up at the approaching women, and Quinn smiled at the chalk dust spread on Piper's face. Alice's black shirt had pink chalk handprints on the waist, and the girl must've gotten some in her hair too, because it was covered in pink dust.

"Alice, I need you to go with Quinn to get lunches for tomorrow." Rachel put her hands on her hips as Alice groaned. "Piper doesn't know the brand you like, and I know you wouldn't eat your lunches if it's the wrong one." Rachel leaned down, knowing how much her eldest didn't like to be with Quinn. She was praying that would change; when she wasn't here, Alice would be with Quinn. "C'mon. If you go now, we can go out for donuts tonight."

That was enough for the older girl to stand. She stretched and dropped the chalk into the dirty bucket. "Do you still remember how to drive normal cars?" Alice turned to Quinn, ignoring her mother's glare.

"Alice, don't say things like that. Of course Quinn knows how to drive." Rachel fished for something in her pocket, uncomfortable at the set of hazel eyes looking down at her. She pulled out a crumpled bill and handed it to Alice, watching the little girls eyes widen with shock. "Don't get anything you don't need. I'm out of spending money until next month, so we're going to have to make do for the next 2 weeks."

"You have an allowance?" Quinn's voice came out more condescending than she meant it to, and she immediately regretted it.

"Yes." Rachel shot daggers at Quinn, annoyed that the blonde would bring it up. "I can't exactly work with my illness, so my fathers help with the bills and they give me money each month to buy food and some treats for the girls." She sighed at the end of that point, looking down at Alice's frayed stockings and black tutu. Piper sat on the ground, with her scuffed jeans and stained blue sweater, and Quinn got the point. Her family was near poverty and she was away from them; she should've been helping.

"I'm sorry, I didn't…" Quinn shut her mouth when she saw two sets of smaller eyes look angrily at her. Piper huffed, turning away from her and starting to draw something on the ground again.

"We know you didn't know. You don't know about us and we don't know about you. Let's just live in not knowing and we'll both be happy." Alice said, tucking the bill safely away in her rain boot. She pulled Rachel down and kissed her goodbye before heading in to the black Civic in the garage. "Well, are we going?"

Quinn looked at the stubborn girl; certain that underneath that harsh exterior, there was some sadness. She turned to Rachel and kissed her softly on the cheek. It was awkward as anything, but she didn't care. She knew she had limited time with the brunette, and she would be damned if she wasted a minute of it. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah," Rachel sat on the ground beside Piper, turning the little blonde to face her. She took chalk dust between her fingers and trailed some blue powder into her hair, eliciting a smile from Piper.

"If you're going to leave again, make sure to drop Alice off first." Piper said, nodding her head to imaginary music. "I like having a sister." Rachel looked at the smaller girl, who in turn, faced her mother, unaware she had done anything wrong. Quinn shook her head, unsure of how to respond.

"I love you," Quinn shoved her hands in her jean pockets, trying to get a reaction from Rachel.

"Love you too," Rachel whispered, nodding in Quinn's direction, still looking down at the blue dust in Piper's golden hair. Quinn knew it was force of habit, but she wanted it to be real. She trudged into the garage and got into car, curiously eyeing Alice in the back seat, sitting on a small carseat.

Quinn shook her head, pulling out of the garage and onto the road. She looked in the rear-view mirror, and saw the image of her wife and daughter fade away as she pulled onto the main streets. Alice stayed silent, looking out the window, occasionally humming. It was worse with the little brunette, the tension.

"Mama raises us well." Alice murmured, tapping out a rhythm on the window. Quinn glanced at the girl before eyeing the road again, "I know you don't think she does, but I don't care. She loves us and she tries. That's something you never did."

Quinn's knuckles whitened around the steering wheel. She's been reeling in this anger for so long, she actually didn't know that she still had it. She remembered how it had come alive so many nights in New York; she let go of the steering wheel at a stop sign and rubbed her knuckles. This wasn't good. She couldn't start slipping into this pattern again. Rachel didn't deserve it, and Alice certainly didn't deserve it.

"I know, how many times to I have to apologize?" Quinn exhaled, trying to soak up the anger again.

"Until I can trust you again." Alice looked down at her boots again, and both noticed a small hole forming in near her toe. The girl sighed, and stuck her hand down the boot, pulling out the money and holding it crumpled in her hand. "You don't have to be so angry. I can hear it. You think you can hide everything, but when you talk to me you sound all huffy. Like I am sometimes…"

Quinn watched as Alice pressed her forehead to the window, just looking blankly out the window. Lima looked so different from how she remembered it. The places where she had gone as a teenager, the parks she had played in as a little kid, they were all gone. Everything had been replaced by something better. Although, she would admit, the new parks looked much cooler than hers did.

"Which store do you usually go to?" Quinn spoke softly. She didn't want to break the tension, or give it more fuel, but it was a question that had to be asked.

"Depends on what we need. If its canned stuff or soda or bread we'll go to the Macs near us, but for the big stuff Mama sends us to the Deli where Uncle Puck works." Alice whispered, picking at her frayed sleeves.

Quinn sucked in her breath. Puck was still in Lima? After all these years, he hadn't left this tiny town? Fuck… how was she going to approach him? He would want to kill her; he would definitely want to kill her. "Can't I just send you in and wait in the car?"

"No, I can't reach over the counter and even if Uncle Puck hands it to us, I still can't reach. Piper and Me usually bike there ourselves." Alice pointed to a small deli nestled between a music shop and a drugstore in the plaza. Quinn hadn't realized she had driven to the same one she had gone to when she was younger. The huge grocery store was gone though, now there were many smaller shops around. "I have Piper get on my shoulders and we'll get it that way."

"He can't come around and hand you the stuff?" Quinn pulled into the parking space, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"Mama wants you to come in too. Ok? Just deal with it!" Alice unbuckled her seat, refusing to stand until she saw Quinn moving as well. The older woman sighed, mumbling under her breath as she stood out of the small car, gripping her keys. She pulled her hood over her head, wishing her hair was longer. It was too cold out.

Alice looked up at her, looking nervous. Quinn didn't know whether or not to take the girl's hand, so she let Alice walk beside her, her hands buried in her pockets. Alice gripped the money so tightly; Quinn thought it would rip in her hands.

The short brunette couldn't reach the handle for the door, trying to push it open. "I hate being so short. Mama says she can already tell Piper will be taller than me." Quinn took over, pushing open the heavy door to the meat shop.

The tall blonde sucked in her breath, scanning behind the counters to see Puck's face. The place wasn't packed, but every butcher was serving someone. Was this the only meat place in town? Alice pulled at her sleeve, and the contact from the little girl shocked her back into reality.

"Come on, I can see Uncle Puck." The girl tugged her through the store to the back counter. Fresh hams and pieces of cold cuts were lying in the frozen space, making Quinn's mouth water. She hadn't had a good barbecue in who knows how long.

"Uncle Puck!" Alice called to the tall man behind the counter. Quinn could recognize the build, muscular, stocky, a crew cut. "Uncle Puck!"

"Who is that midget calling my name?" Quinn shook from nerves at Puck's voice. This wasn't going to end well. She could feel it.

"I'm not a midget Uncle Puck!" Alice giggled, trying to climb onto the bread rack at the base of the counter. "You're silly! You call Mama that. I'm Squeak!"

"Squeak? I don't think I know a Squeak?" Quinn could hear the laughter in Puck's voice, and she wanted to run out of that infernal meat shop and never look back.

"It's Alice!" The girl nearly screamed, and that got Puck's attention. The tall man turned from the slicer, looking directly at the little girl.

"Oh, it's the older half of PipSqueak." Puck smiled. "Where's Pip?"

"She's at home with Mama." Alice rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. "Mama sent Quinn with me this time. That's why I'm not wearing more sweaters. We took the car."

Quinn felt her heart stop as she locked eyes with Puck. His hazel eyes met hers, and all she saw was shock. She saw the recognition form on his face, and the anger, the pure fury that came with it.

"Quinn…" He whispered, Quinn feeling ever dagger in his voice.

"Hi Puck," She murmured, looking away from the fiery gaze. This was one of the worst moments in her life.

"What are you doing here?" He spat out, and Quinn looked down at Alice. Her daughter was pressing up against the glass, looking at the array of cold cuts, money in hand.

"I was discharged." She mumbled, watching him as his hands flew behind his head, exhaling. She knew he was at a loss for words, and thank goodness it wasn't anywhere else. She probably wouldn't be able to walk if he had been able to exhibit his anger towards her.

"Wait until Santana hears about this." Puck shook his, looking back down at Alice as she tapped the glass towards some salami.

"She lives here too?" Great, two people who completely hated her, who were fairly strong. This day was getting better and better.

"Well, she comes here every other weekend. Her and Britt are still in New York. I just talked to her yesterday actually, and she was curious about why Rach hadn't called her in about a week." Puck took the lunch meats the Alice was pointing at, turning from both of them as he sliced them into the thin pieces. "I can't wait until she comes back this weekend. It'll be so much fun."

"That's… that's great." Quinn stared into space, stunned. How was this happening to her? She had just gotten the redemption from her wife… Maybe, and now she had to deal with this. Man, she was an idiot.

"Alice, why don't you go get a can of olives, ok? It'll be my treat." Puck spoke softly to the girl, handing her a five spot for the olives. Alice nodded and ran back towards the rack of canned goods.

He turned back to Quinn, fire blazing in his eyes. "You are so lucky I'm at work now, otherwise I swear to God I'd kill you. You actually have the balls to show up here after 5 fucking years? We know what you did to Rachel, everything she knows, so do we. You are one sick fuck."

He shut up as Alice re-appeared at Quinn's feet, holding a can of olives with the wrapped lunch meat.

"All set Squeak?" He leaned on the counter, looking at the girl, who nodded her head. "That's great. Are you excited for the barbecue this weekend?"

"Yeah!" Alice flashed a toothy grin, "Are Auntie San and Aunt Britt coming too?"

"Yup, it's their weekend to come into town." Puck looked back at Quinn, who nodded silently. This was going to be a great weekend.

"Awesome! Me and Piper are gonna see all our cousins!" Alice grinned. "But we have to go now. Mama wants us home quick because tomorrow is school."

"Alright Squeak, tell them I say hi," Puck smiled warmly at the little girl, who waved to him before getting into the line to pay. "Goodbye Quinn."

"Bye," Quinn spun on her heels and bolted. That had to be the second most awkward conversation she ever had. He knew; that was the worst thing. He and Santana and most likely Brittany knew about how she had come home drunk so many times, how many times she had told Rachel that she was worthless, every vile thing that had come out of her mouth. She didn't know if Rachel had known about the mistress, but if she did, the others did too.

Quinn ran her hand through her hair, trying to shake off the sinking feeling. She felt like someone was staring right at her back, and it wouldn't go away. She glanced back to see Puck speaking warmly with another customer, and Alice was paying. The recognition that Puck had on his face when he saw her, the mix of emotions, the hate and anger; she was a horrible human being.

"Come on Quinn, I wanna go home." Alice took Quinn's hand, apparently forgetting that she didn't like the older blonde. Quinn felt her heart jump into her throat as Alice's tiny, warm hand held hers, holding the bag in the other. She didn't say anything, fearing that Alice would realize what she was doing.

She shivered as she stepped outside, watching as Alice buried her face into her coat. She wanted to pick up the little girl, and hold her, protect her from the wind, but that was probably overstepping some boundaries. It felt nice though, to be the protector, to be the mother. She remembered holding Alice when she was a baby, and how she would walk with Alice pressed to her chest.

She wanted to vomit at times when she would be in her study, with Alice asleep on her chest, making plans with her mistress on the phone. She would talk about how cute Alice looked when she was sleeping… she would talk about that to her mistress… Quinn pressed a hand over her mouth, truly afraid she would throw up.

"Can you open the door? I'm cold." Alice let go of her hand, and she pulled open the door to the small car.

The silence was still there as she lit up the ignition, but it wasn't as tense anymore. Quinn switched on the radio, and Alice hummed along. For once, they were on even ground.

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**Alright, so, just to add this tidbit at the end. Puck's current life/job/family and Santana and Brittany's current state will be talked about in the next chapter. It's pretty much everyone is catching up with Quinn, and ... that's all for spoilers now. **


	6. Let Mercy Come, Wash Away What I've Done

**Sorry for the long wait... really, I apologize. I hit a writer's block with this story, and I didn't want to give up on it. Next update will be the barbecue, and hopefully a bit more insight on their past, what with Santana being there and all. I don't know if I did a good job with this chapter or not.**

**Thanks for the reviews and the follows, favourites. The love is appreciated. :)**

**Have a wonderful week everyone. **

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"Psssst. Psssssstt." Quinn moans, rolling over on the bed to stop the annoying poking at her ribs.

"What is it Piper?" She rubbed her eyes, looking bleary at the blonde in front of her.

"Sorry for acting up yesterday, Alice wanted me to be mean." Piper climbed onto the bed beside Quinn, smiling as she snuggled against the taller blonde. "I don't want to go back to school now."

"Well, you're going to have to go. You don't really have a choice." Quinn yawned, closing her eyes again, but the girl's presence was off-setting.

"I know. Mama says we always have to do good in school because an education is very important. I still don't understand why doing math homework will help me being an actress though." Piper sat comfortably in the sheets, and Quinn noticed her uniform for the first time. She also realized that Rachel wasn't beside her.

"She's saying the truth." Quinn lazily sat up, looking at Piper in her messy uniform. "Where is she anyway?"

"Downstairs. Alice is getting her school bag ready and she's sipping her coffee. Usually Mama drives us, but can you do it this morning?" Piper clung to Quinn's back like a monkey as she stood up, lifting the girl off the bed in a piggyback ride.

"I don't think Alice would like that much." Quinn yawned, unbending to Piper's weight. She had carried backpacks heavier than this kid.

"So you drive me and Mama can drive Alice." Piper held on tighter as Quinn went down the stairs, still tired as hell.

"Waste of gas little one." Quinn carried Piper into the kitchen, forgetting about the feud that was supposed to be going on. She kissed Rachel good morning before making her hot chocolate.

"Are you feeling alright?" Alice sounded puzzled, and Quinn turned to look at both sitting in silence.

"Just a bit tired." Quinn stretched, Piper holding on by wrapping her arms around Quinn's neck. "Rach, do you want me to drive them this morning?"

Rachel looked at the child sitting across from her, Alice rolling her eyes and leaning back in her chair. "That would be wonderful thank you. I think we have many things to discuss while they're at school. Piper, get off of Quinn's shoulders."

"She's fine, leave her be." Quinn shifted a bit, waiting for the milk to warm up before pouring chocolate in. She propped Piper up to a better position on her back, acting like everything was perfectly normal as Rachel and Alice finally began an uneasy chatter behind them.

"You can take us." Piper whispered into Quinn's ear, and the taller blonde nodded. "Isn't that a good thing?" Again, Quinn nodded, not saying much. She rubbed her eyes, turning back to the small family in front of her. Rachel somehow looked healthier, more alert than the past few days. She sipped the hot chocolate, watching the two at the table interact while Piper sat on the counter, her arms still around Quinn's neck.

"You'll tell Quinn where to drop you off, and pick you up, ok?" Rachel stood, going into the fridge and pulling out a few bagged lunches. She filed them into separate lunch bags, handing them to Alice who scurried off to put them in their knapsacks. "Piper, I need you to get your shoes on please, if you want Quinn to take you she needs to go get washed and dressed."

Piper nodded sullenly, latching off of Quinn and sliding down from the kitchen counter. Rachel rubbed her arms, wearing a sweater on top of her pajamas. "Are you sure you can drive them?"

"I'm sure. Piper will tell me where to go; I can follow directions." Quinn hugged the shorter woman tightly, hearing Rachel squeak in surprise at the sudden touch. "You need to relax a bit; I'm here, I can take care of the girls for you if you need to rest." She kissed Rachel's forehead gently, thrilled to feel her hugging back.

"Thank you," She could hear a small smile in Rachel's voice, and she nodded. She let go of Rachel reluctantly, taking the things from the table and putting them in the sink.

"I'm going to go get dressed."

-.-.-.-.-

"Ready for school?" Quinn raced down the stairs to see Piper and Alice waiting in their jackets, lunch bags in hand. Piper nodded happily, Alice looking at the younger one with a tired expression.

"I still don't like school." Alice mumbled, kissing Rachel goodbye, Piper following in her sister's footsteps. Quinn gave Rachel a quick kiss before ushering the kids out the door, and hastily throwing on a jacket.

"Why not?" Quinn opened the door for the girls before getting in the front seat herself. Alice didn't respond, and in the rear-view mirror, she saw Piper nudge the brunette.

"The teachers don't like me because I'm rowdy and I don't stop talking." Alice looked out the window, holding her school bag in her hands. "I just don't like seat work. It's boring. School is the only time I see my friends; I don't want to do work when I could be having fun. I'm still a kid."

"I know." Quinn didn't add anything else, switching on the radio and watching as Piper sang along happily, Alice fiddling with the ends of her jacket. The girl seemed too worried for her own good. Piper had some problems, Rachel had told her, but Alice was just as worrisome.

Alice, it seemed from the past week, worried so much and said little. She didn't know how to relax; Quinn could almost see the weights sitting on her shoulders, and that worried her. Piper wasn't like that. The past week, she had seen the girl go through ups and downs, a volatile cocktail of emotions that resulted in a hissy fit one day. Her emotions fluctuated, but she didn't have the iron weights.

"Am I going the right way?" Quinn spoke up, and Alice nodded, looking at her.

"How do you know where our school is?" Alice looked at her, slightly shocked as Piper just nodded her head to the music, bouncing in her carseat.

"I went there when I was your age. Your mother and I have known each other since we were in pre-school." Quinn exhaled, pulling beside the school's parking lot, cutting the engine and getting out. It's true what they said; the coldest places were school yards and gas stations. She helped Piper out of her carseat, waiting for Alice to get out of the car before locking it.

Silently, Alice came up beside her, slipping her gloved hand into Quinn's. It was a small action, taking the blonde by surprise, but she didn't question it. She smiled softly, looking down at Alice before turning back as Piper called to her.

"You have to drop her off at the kindergarten gate, and them I'm on the other side of the school." Alice whispered, her voice somehow louder than the clamour of kids in the schoolyard. With a gentle hand on Piper's head, she led the girls to the fence separating the kindergartners with the older kids.

Piper pulled at her sleeve, and she looked down at the small girl.

"Come closer!" Piper ordered, and Quinn bent down, smiling as the girl hugged her tightly, giving her a small kiss before running into the yard. She barely hugged the girl herself before Piper's energy took over and the child pulled away. "Bye Mommy!" Piper called, and Quinn froze, watching her daughter wave to her.

Slowly, she lifted a hand, waving back, tears brimming in her eyes. She opened her palm, Alice taking her hand again, and the two began to walk around the school.

"What's the real reason why you don't like school?" Quinn spoke softly.

"I just don't like being here. I'm the weird one in my class. Like, I don't believe in cooties, and the boys are always touching my arms trying to annoy me and the girls say I have them." Alice huffed, getting closer to Quinn as a group of older boys ran past them. "I'm just different I guess."

"That's not a bad thing Alice. It gets a lot easier when you're older, in high school." Quinn gave a quick glance at her daughter, Alice looking at her with eyes widened, worried. "Once you get to high school, you meet the people who are different, like you. You meet people you never thought you'd be friends with, and then you fall in love with them."

Alice stopped her in front of a set of doors, seeing kids still running around, parents talking. She adjusted the bag on her back. "Is that what happened with you and Mama?"

"Yeah…" Quinn leaned on the bricks, looking down at the ripped jeans and scuffy sneakers. She felt the multiple dog tags around her neck, and pulled one out from under her jacket, holding it in front of Alice.

"Why is it dented like that?" Alice fingered the cold metal.

"It's from shrapnel I took in a bombing. I want you to have this." Quinn dropped the dog tag into Alice's cupped hands. The little brunette quickly slipped it around her neck, letting it drop into her jacket.

"So it stopped you from dying?" Alice leaned against her, closing her eyes.

"Well, I would've lived either way, but it stopped some serious blood loss because of the way it was hanging on me." Quinn moved over as a bell rang and a teacher came out, the kids rushing into orderly lines. This was clearly the primary section. Alice hugged her tightly, and for a moment Quinn thought that she wouldn't pull away.

"Have a good day Mommy," Alice whispered, waving the Quinn as she got in line. Quinn smiled softly, holding the tears at bay as she waved to Alice, watching her go in the school. She braced herself against the wind in the schoolyard, crossing back to her car. She took out her cell phone, waiting to call until she could feel her fingers.

"Rach?" She sat in the car, waiting for the parking lot to clear out before leaving herself.

"The girls are all right?" Quinn smiled at Rachel's maternal instinct.

"They just went inside, I watched them both. I have some news to tell you at home." Quinn bit her lower lip, feeling around the car for some chapstick. "I have to go to the grocery store for some coffee, but I'll be home soon."

She heard Rachel sigh. "Alright, I'll see you later."

"See you soon."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Rach?" Quinn called into the house, and heard movement upstairs. She kicked off her shoes in the mud room, stepping into the main hall and looking up the stairs.

"Yes?" Rachel's head appeared over the railing, her headscarf tumbling past her shoulders.

"Come downstairs, I want to show you something." Quinn looked at the large bouquet in the mud room, on the washing machine, and laughed as Rachel huffed.

"Give me a second." Quinn dashed into the mud room, grabbing the large bouquet and waiting in the doorframe as Rachel came slowly down the stairs. She looked so thin, her clothes hanging on her, layers of sweaters on. "These are for you."

She grinned like a schoolgirl at Rachel's shocked expression, handing the bouquet into the brunette's outstretched hand. "Quinn… you didn't have to do this…"

"I want to, you're worth it." She kissed Rachel softly, "I know I've been the biggest ass on the planet, but I want to start making it up to you. I want another chance Rach, and you deserve to be treated like a princess." Quinn didn't say anything as she hugged her wife, Rachel crying onto her chest. "Now that we have the house alone, I can make you a proper breakfast."


	7. Broken People Living Under Loaded Gun

**While I wrote an explanation on my absence in my other stories, I will write it again. I apologize for the hiatus. My head was a mess, I was dealing with my depression, through self harm, my insomnia and my anxiety, but I am on medication, so hopefully I will become stable in the future. Also, I recently learned that my mother might have cancer, so this story just got a lot more personal.**

**Continuing, I don't know if this is what happens in every case, but I remember when my grandmother had cancer, and she was sick, we went to her house and cleaned it before she came home. I am relying on those experiences when it comes to medicinal lines in this story, because I do remember how bad it got in the last few months, and... the thought of cancer is such a real threat to me, I'm sorry if I get this wrong.**

**Moving on, I just hope you enjoy this story, and this chapter. Until I see you next, I wish you all a wonderful week. I also apologize for any spelling mistakes in this.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Quinn rolled over in bed, looking at Rachel's upright position. She reached out softly to her wife, touching Rachel's skin lightly, feeling it burning. Instantly, she sat up, turning Rachel around to face her, seeing the tan face flushed, her cheeks red.

"Shit." Quinn put her hand against Rachel's forehead, feeling the burning heat coming off in bursts. "Goddamnit, Rach we have to get you to the hospital."

Rachel opened her mouth to protest, but just nodded, grabbing onto Quinn tightly as the blonde picked her up. She felt her mouth run dry, her stomach in knots. She didn't know much about cancer, but she knew that Rachel had no immune system with the chemo and having a fever was very bad, really, really bad.

"What do I do with the girls?" Quinn dashed out of the bedroom, turning on the lights in the hallway and carrying Rachel's thin frame down the stairs.

"I… I should call my dads…" Rachel whispered dryly, one arm looping around Quinn's neck weakly. "They… they take the girls… if I get sick…"

"I'll take you to the hospital, and then the girls will to your dads house" Quinn set Rachel on the stairs, grabbing Rachel's thick coat and draping it around her shoulders. "Can you sit up by yourself?"

"Y-yes…" Rachel whispered weakly, and Quinn headed into the bathroom, coming out with a cup of water.

"Drink, give me one minute to get the kids." Quinn scurried up the stairs quickly, walking into Alice's room first. "Alice, wake up…" Quinn nudged the little girl gently. "Alice, come on , wake up."

"What's wrong?" Alice yawned, throwing a pillow at Quinn weakly.

"I have to take Rachel to the hospital, wake up Piper and get your jacket." Quinn whispered, seeing Alice jolt wide awake. The girl ran out of bed, out of the room, presumably into Piper's and Quinn went back down, seeing Rachel leaning on the railing. Quinn leaned her up fully, facing her head on again and seeing her eyes closed, her breathing already shallow.

"Rach, wake up." Quinn gently took Rachel's arms, and slowly she opened her eyes.

"I am awake Quinn, can we please go?" Quinn nodded, hearing the thundering in the hallway as the girls ran downstairs, already in sweaters and jackets, throwing on the rain boots. Alice picked up Piper, following Quinn closely as the taller blonde picked up Rachel, putting on the house alarm and heading out of the house.

"What's happening?" Piper spoke loudly, the street eerily quiet at this time of night. "Mommy, what's going on?"

"Piper, be quiet." Alice put her in the car seat, strapping the two in as Quinn set Rachel down in the passenger's seat, taking off in the car. Quinn gripped the steering wheel, driving the little troupe down the highway to the nearest hospital.

"Alice, I'm scared…"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Alice held tightly to Piper in the hospital, the two grabbing onto the ends of Quinn's pant leg as they tried to follow Rachel. Eventually, Quinn stopped dead in her tracks, the two girls crashing into her when she froze.

"Where's Mama?" Piper asked, looking up at Quinn with her arms extended, but Quinn didn't look down, she just stood there, still. She blinked a few times, rubbing her eyes tightly before reaching into her shirt to grasp the dog tags, looking around the hospital. Quinn felt against her chest, and something clearly brought her back to reality, looking down at the worried girls at her feet.

"She's being treated for her fever. A lot of antibiotics, hopefully no surgery needed…" Quinn lifted up Piper, putting the little girl on her hip as they walked through the rest of the hospital, coming across a small nurse's station, looking at the tired night nurse working. "Can you tell me where Rachel Berry is staying?"

"Room 205, just down the hall." The nurse spoke clearly, shuffling through more files, and Quinn nodded, brushing the two down the linoleum hall.

"Cover your eyes for a second ok; I just want to see what shape she's in." Quinn whispered, Piper nodding, turning around and hanging onto Quinn's shoulder. Opening the door, she blinked back the tears, a hand covering her mouth. Rachel was tied up to the machines like crazy, at least three different bags leading into her.

She heard crying, looking down at Alice hugging to her pajamas. "What's w-wrong with her?" Alice cried, burying her face in her leg.

"She's sick Alice, I told you not to look." Quinn reached down, struggling to pick up the 7 year old, but succeeding. "She's just getting some medication, its ok." She sighed, unsure of what else to tell the girls, Piper listening as well. "She'll get better now, I promise. Why don't you to go outside, get something to eat quickly."

She lowered both girls, Piper pulling the still crying Alice out of the room and presumably down the hall to the vending machines. Quinn inched her way to the bed, sitting at Rachel's feet and cupping a hand around hers. Rachel's eyelids began to flutter and Quinn smiled softly as she opened them.

"Hey…" She murmured, waiting for any verbal cue from Rachel.

"Hi." The voice was raspy and relatively weak, but it was there, and that was the important thing.

"How are you feeling?" Quinn moved closer to Rachel, linking their hands as gently as possible.

"I'm tired Quinn… I just assumed you would want to speak before I slept… or the girls would…" Rachel sighed, looking down at their clasped hands with a sad smile.

"What do I do with school for them? Do I keep them home until you get better? I don't know what to do…" Quinn turned red, feeling so ashamed for knowing nothing about her home life. She heard Rachel's loud exhale, looking up at her wife.

"If you send them to school, they'll stay with my dads until I get better. This weekend, everyone is still likely to come over." Rachel chuckled softly at Quinn's shocked face.

"Why? If you're still in the hospital…"

"Santana will basically come and scrub the house top to bottom and the girls with stay there for a few nights. You have to call her and tell her I'm sick though… I don't want her bringing the kids if I'm like this…" Rachel rubbed her thumb on the top of Quinn's hand, yawning. "Do the girls want to see me?"

"Alice is really shaken, but I can ask." Quinn nodded, standing up and reluctantly letting go of Rachel to stand in the doorway. "Girls, come here please!" Both women turned to see the girls hugging the doorframe, unsure of what to do. They had never gotten this close to Rachel when she was sick before.

"Hi you two." Rachel smiled weakly, Piper waving back. "Come here, you can come closer."

Alice gripped Piper's shoulder as the little girl went to her mother. "We don't want to get you even more sick." She whispered, pulling Piper by her side.

"It's okay…" Rachel whispered, but Quinn put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm fine for now."

"Are we going to Grandpa's again?" Piper asked. "Mommy can watch us now, right? So we can stay home?"

"Yeah, of course." Rachel yawned. "I'll just be here for a few days." She pulled Quinn closer in a hug, and let go. "Go call Santana and tell her what happened, have the girls call my dads and just go to the house, have the girls in bed. They have school tomorrow."

"I… but…" Quinn didn't know what to respond to that, so she took Rachel's hand gently, slowly nodding. "Ok."

"I love you," Rachel whispered, closing her eyes, clearly exhausted.

"I love you too Rach." Quinn kissed her gently, and got off the bed, leading the girls down the hall as Rachel fell asleep. "She's only in here for a few days, right?"

"Yeah, except for one really bad fever, she was in for two weeks." Alice was shaking with nerves, hugging Quinn's leg as she walking, Piper now in her arms. "You have to call Santana, I have her number." She pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket, and handed it to Quinn. "Mama wants us to carry important numbers in case something happens"

Quinn looked at the paper, and nodded, pulling her old cell out of her pocket. She sat on the couch in the waiting room, unsure of who to call first, who would be the least likely to kill her when they heard her voice. The debate between Rachel's dads and Santana was hard, but with shaking fingers, she dialed Santana's number.

"Do you want us to talk to her?" Piper looked at Quinn, but the older blonde shook her head.

"No, I have to do this sometime. You guys have school tomorrow and it's only Tuesday, get some sleep." Quinn whispered, pulling the dial tone up to her ear, waiting for an answer.

She sighed, hearing the answering machine and dialed again, waiting for someone to pick up the phone. Trying a third time, she was ready to give up when a little boy answered. "Hello?" He sounded just as tired as her kids.

"Hi, is Santana Lopez there?" Quinn spoke clearly, unsure if the boy was awake enough to answer.

"Yeah, Mama's grumbling about who's calling, you can talk to her." The boy yawned, and Quinn bit her lip, her stomach in tight knots.

"Who the hell is calling me at midnight, on a Monday?" Santana growled into the phone, and she nearly jumped out of her skin, Piper shaken from her position on her shoulder. Alice yawned, curling up tightly beside her.

"Hi San," Quinn spoke, her mouth bone dry.

"Wh-who is this?" She sounded more confused than angry.

"I'm calling for Rachel Berry, she's in the hospital again…"

"Shit, are you a nurse? Are the girls ok? Her parents should be there really quickly if they aren't there already. I can't come back until the weekend." Quinn heard multiple thumps on the other end of the phone.

"No, I'm not her nurse."

"Then who the hell are you?"

"San, it's Quinn. I'm with the girls." Quinn inhaled harshly, waiting for the inevitable screaming to begin as her girls slumbered away.


End file.
